hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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