I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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