Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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