You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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