sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
