Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
