I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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