its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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