the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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