Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
