I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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