i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
