he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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