She is in my trunk
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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