Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize