Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
