Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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