he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
