Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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