Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
