mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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