420 ftw
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
