She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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