A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
