I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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