Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
