he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize