she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
