I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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