his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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