..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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