U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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