4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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