my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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