Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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