Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I need mimosas to revive my soul
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
