I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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