I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
