Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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