So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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