I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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