whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Farmville is her only friend.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
