genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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