I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize