Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
