So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
