Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
