420 ftw
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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