He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
