I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
