I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
