So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
