Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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