I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
