just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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