Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
