why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
