OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize