he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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