I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
