The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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