this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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