I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
