Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
