this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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