I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're a waste of cheezeits
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
