did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
