Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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