you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
