Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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