Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
