Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
