To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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