a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
