non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
