Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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