I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
