i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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