Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
