Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
