Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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