I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
