glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
