a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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