she smelled like a LAN party
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
