I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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