He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize