This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
