i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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