My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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