Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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