I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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