He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
