Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
